“What I’ve learned in the last 10 days during the wives in warfare challenge, so far...

PLEASE NOTE: This is what I’ve personally learned during this journey, so it maybe different for everyone, I’m also NOT a pastor or teacher, but I’m just sharing my notes maybe they can be a blessing to another wife:

Communication: Be careful to watch not only what comes out of my mouth but also the thoughts that give birth to those words. Let Peace be the mediator and submit to Gods word. It’s not enough to just read it and declare it. We have to know Gods word so that it’s stored in our hearts. Meditating God's word will cause a paradigm shift in the way you see things. The way you see things is the way God delivers them to you.

Forgiveness: Be Quick to forgive— Jesus will vindicate you! We don’t have to fight as the world fights. God fights on a different level, and the victory is always His. As believers we are called to a higher standard than that of the world around us. We can’t just do what “everybody” does. If we are truly in Christ, then we are a new creation. This means we must throw away those old habits of acting as “everybody” acts. This is particularly true in our marriages. When we are struggling or growing impatient with our spouse, it’s so tempting to act as the world would act.

Developing a best friendship marriage is not only based on love, but also on speaking the truth (see Eph. 4:15). Those who love us truly will tell us the difficult things, while others will gloss over such things and flatter us instead. Naturally, our spouses often do tell us the difficult things (whether we want them to or not!). Stay focused. Get your mind right and in the Word. Set your affections + emotions towards the Lord. Anything else is being double-minded and that will make you completely unstable and unable to stand firm in times when it's necessary. Rise above, recognize yourself as a creation of the King and show His love, His forgiveness, His humility, and His peace.

To truly RESPECT my husband, I have to set the bar much higher then submission

respect requires self-sacrifice and humility. It challenges me to bridle not just my words, but my thoughts as well. It makes u bite ur tongue. Dare to take the first step by respecting my husband even before he honors me. I keep learning the same biblical principle over and over: God blesses us when we give away the very thing we desire. I believe that when I give respect to my husband, ill get back more abundantly in ways that may surprise me. Respect begins in the mind. It greatly matters what we think about our husbands. What I think about my husband determines whether my words and actions will honor/respect him. What we believe about our husbands can make or break our marriages.

Unity: Prioritize your marriage above everything else except for God. When a husband and wife come together in marriage – this new relationship takes precedent over all other earthly relationships. This kind of unity is described in Ephesians 5:22-32. It is meant to model Christ and the Church. Never take each other for granted. As husband and wife, we will not always agree with each other, but if we are walking in unity, we will be able to discuss the issues and pray about them. To respect each other's opinions and together to submit to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Be verbally and physically affectionate. We need to understand how profound our responsibility is to our spouses to make them feel significant and loved. We are God’s primary human vessel to reveal His love to them. The Bible teaches that unity in marriage is primarily dependent on the actions, reactions, and attitudes of a wife toward her husband and only secondarily on the behavior of the husband. Agreeing that you’ll always strive to pursue unity means you will do the hard work it may take to get there. As a wife, i hold great power to set the atmosphere in the home and our marriage. I have the ability to make our home in a way that either steers my family closer to God or tears them away. A happy and loving wife promotes unity, while a grumpy and nagging wife creates division. Because here’s the thing: In the end, my husband is FOR me, not against me; and I am FOR him, not against him. Paul says it better: “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace everyone.” (Romans 12:18) That includes our spouse, too!

Finances: Seek unity in your marriage. Get on the same page. If you we understand biblical stewardship and respond to wisdom, this won’t be a problem. But if one of us seeks to be a good steward while the other spends haphazardly, we’re in for a bumpy ride. Get on the same page: God’s page. Learn what God is asking of us and stick to it together. Pray that God would allow you to put the marriage above any individual concerns. Ask God to guide us in how he wants the funds earned, used, and distributed. Request a double portion of humility so I can be prepared to accept God’s guidance. Plead with God to give me the necessary strength to release control of your money and give God control.

God has special purposes for every couple: to bring joy to the husband and wife and to create a team that can achieve more together than the individuals could accomplish on their own.

Sexual union places our relationship in a category apart from any other relationship. And the apostle Paul says that husbands and wives need to learn how to put their spouses’ needs and interests ahead of their own. Sex is far more than a physical exercise. In marriage it is meant to be a place where the inner love for your spouse can be expressed in a physical way that the person feels. Sex is the place in marriage where the spiritual meets the physical in a beautiful expression of love. Sex helps strengthen the bond of a husband and wife. God did not create our bodies to crave sex one time. I think God designed the body this way because he wants a husband and wife to have sex often so that they will be continually strengthening their bond with one another. Sex in marriage will also protect us from pursuing sexual immorality outside of marriage. Sex with your spouse is not the only way to overcome sexual sin, but in the 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 Paul clearly states the importance of sex in marriage. There’s no denying that men are very visual beings and they love to look at women, they get enticed and for some it becomes habitual. Even in the Bible men were mesmerized by the beauty of women, unfortunately Satan has used it to his advantage. The enemy is pursuing the hearts of our men (and our hearts) every single day. We need to pray. We need to go before God and petition for our men’s hearts and minds and eyes. We need to claim freedom in this area of their lives. We need to be prayer warriors fighting for their lives and their eyes. They need us to help them in this way. Every day you need to pray for your husband, You never know what he may be battling with on the inside. Pray that he will only have eyes for you. Pray that God will give him the strength to overcome temptation. Pray that God will convict his heart of anything he’s looking at that is not appropriate. Pray that if a female flirts with him, he will not flirt back. Pray that he will live a life according to the will of God, and not the desires of the flesh. Pray against pornography. Pray against online dating websites. Pray against all sexual immorality. Prayer changes things!

Spiritual intimacy comes from being in the word together, praying for one another, and worshiping together. If spiritual intimacy is high, then the other types of intimacy will have a natural resiliency. God has made us to enjoy life’s activities — especially with our spouses (Ecclesiastes 9:9) — and our marriages need the ability to laugh and play together if they are to endure the times of tears and toil. The Christian commitment to love one another, even when it hurts (John 13:34–35; Galatians 5:13; 6:2; Ephesians 4:2, 32; 1 Peter 4:8–10), can help us move from cycles of isolation to cycles of intimacy as we lovingly put each other’s needs before our own. If they don’t respond as you would like, you need to keep loving them faithfully. Don’t fight fire with fire. You’ll only get a bigger fire. Love your spouse and show them the kind of love you want from them. Also, pray for them every day. Let your spouse know every day how much they mean to you. It will keep the passion in your marriage strong as it vanquishes the spirit of rejection. This is a spiritual battle we are fighting. Our husbands are not the real enemy, even though it sure seems like they are at times. As our husbands watch us respond in the power of God, with genuine respect, honor, poise, dignity, peace, joy, and love – as we respond with grace – God works in their hearts. It is helpful to remember that our real battle is fought and won in prayer, not necessarily in conversation with those who oppose us. God’s Word and His power are what is most needed. Our words and our human effort will not produce effective results. Our sinful power can only tear down and destroy. But as we allow God to work in and through us, He can pour healing into our lives, our husband’s lives, and our marriages in His timing. As we are filled with God’s Spirit, He can prompt us about when to speak, what to say, how to respond, when to respectfully confront, and when to wait and pray.

God reconciled himself to us. To reconcile means to restore friendly relations, to coexist in harmony, and to settle a disagreement. God did all those things for us when He died on the cross, and He charges us to do them to others. This includes our spouse. We must intentionally work to maintain peace within our marriage. We can’t look to the world for this example of peace. We must look to Jesus. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. To pray for your husband on your own, without even letting him know is what it is about - to ask God to shape his heart, character and to keep him from temptation - this is a most powerful type of praying. It is impossible, with your limited knowledge, to see all God may be doing to draw your husband to Him. You might not see evidence for years that God is convicting him. That doesn’t mean God isn’t pursuing him. Remember that God has an eternal perspective. His timetable is not your own. While it may appear as if God is silent, realize that we cannot fully comprehend the magnitude of all that He is doing and how He is working in a much larger realm than our eyes can see, especially when you are so focused on the pain in the moment and on your desire for an extended season of “waiting” to pass. Instead of putting expectations on him, pray that the blinders would be removed from his eyes. Pray he would have a softened and pliable heart towards the Lord. It is not your job to convict, pressure, lecture, or bring your husband to the Lord. It is the Holy Spirit that will woo, convict, and draw your husband to Himself. Praying God's heart for someone will soon produce a reflection of His love in your own.

The flesh is the selfish, sinful tendencies that we all have as humans. The flesh is not me but it is with me. We must get over ourselves and take on the attitude of Christ; who being God (Phil 2). Too many wives today justify their own poor behavior pointing out that their spouses’ behavior is wrong and worse than their own. We must take responsibility for our own behavior, words and actions and quit being so selfish and self-centered! Instead of nagging, ask God to do the very thing that He wants—to transform your husband more and more to be like Jesus in his character and conduct. Because this is exactly the will of God for your husband; when you pray like this, you know you are right in heaven’s bulls-eye. One of the most freeing things that can happen in your life as a wife can occur when you learn to release your husband into the hands of Jesus and then ask Him directly to take care of him and change him. Let go of the internal push to “make” your husband better and instead appeal to the only One who can transform anyone. Such amazing peace, power and influence you will have, and do have, as a wife. Use it. You will be blessed as you do. “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers” (1John 3:16). When we seek to give and die to self, we are living as God would want us to live.

Looking forward to the next 20 days”

Jessica Adebiyi, Founder/CEO of War Room for Courageous Wives Podcast

“Thank you for hosting this prayer challenge. I will say it was a challenge for me, but it helped me in many ways. These 30 days of prayer showed me the importance of consistency. When we are faithful over what God has called us to do, we will see fruit. When we start to slack, we see the results of that as well. I got a taste of both things and that shed some light on what I need to improve on. Now, waking up early to pray is less foreign to me. Thankful for each women who prayed and provided encouragement along this 30-day journey. I would encourage wives to commit to this challenge the next time it comes around. Thankful I was able to be apart of this!”

Danielle Richardson, Founder/CEO of The Lightingale Blog